Youth ACHIEVEMENT FOUNDATION

CHARACTER TALK

Friendship

• Introduction and Definition

1. Friend: As person you like and trust
2. Objective: Student should be able to articulate some differences between friends and acquaintances and how to avoid “bad friends”

• Notes for Mentor-Student discussion

• Choosing your friends is one of your most important decisions. Choose them carefully because you will “be who your friends are.”
• An acquaintance is someone you know, usually by name
• A friend is someone who shares your values and interests. You like being around them.
• Good friends are rare and should be highly valued
• Good friends are there when you need them
• Good friends put your interests above their own
• Good friends tell you the truth, even if isn’t what you want to hear.
• Good friend are worth taking care of
• Bad friends are vary dangerous and should be avoided
• Bad friends do bad things that will get you in trouble
• Lie, cheat, steal, hurt others in any way
• Bad friends skip school and break laws
• If they do these things to others, they will eventually to them to you.
• Since friends are people who share values and common interests others will judge you by the friends you keep, and they normally will be right!
• Can one of you give an example of when you were helped by a good friend or hurt by a bad friend?

• Notes for general group discussion

• What does it mean to trust someone
• What should you look for in a friend?
• What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?
• How should you treat your friends?

• Summary points

• Good friends are very hard to come by and should be valued.
• Since you will become like your friends it is very important to pick them carefully
• Take away line: You are who your friends are!

More Discussion on Friendship

• You are your friends?

• Good to have a several acquaintances but only a few friends
• What do they have that I would like to share?
• What can I offer them in return?

• Why should someone be your friend?

• We need friends, they are very important
• No one is supposed to be an island
• Friends give us companionship and perspective

• “You are who your friends are”

• Why?
• Similar likes will become similar actions
• Good acts lead to good acts
• Reputation
• People judge you by the friends you keep
• Neighbors, employers, teachers, etc.
• Bad situations
• You can trust the person but you can’t trust the situation

• What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

• We do not trust an acquaintance like we do a friend

• What are the characteristics of friendship?

• Enjoy their company and like doing things with is only a beginning and not something to base a friendship on
• Trust
• They will always tell you the truth, even when you may not want to hear it
• They give good advice and are willing to discuss important (difficult) issues
• Loyal
• They will always act in your best interests
• They will be there when things get difficult
• Ambition
• They are motivated to do “good” things with their life

• What traits should you avoid

• Dishonest - Lack of Trust
• Whatever they do to others they will do to you
• Self Serving -- Lack of Loyalty
• They run when things get bad, or are always concerned with how things affect them.
• Irresponsible and lacking ambition
• They live only for today and seek pleasure over responsibility.
• Laziness is a very contagious and dangerous disease
• It is easy to go downhill but worthwhile goals will always be difficult a have some resistance connected to them.
• They have bad friends
• Do not hang around with bad people – ever
• Len Bias

• Friendship is two way street

• Am I willing to entrust my thoughts, ideals, reputation and possibly my life to them?
• Am I willing to do all the above for them?

• Judgment and Good Friends

• Judgment is a product of experience; it is not defined by either intelligence or good intention
• Good judgment begins by thinking about the consequences
• There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots!
• Rich Harrington
• Five Garland Seniors
• Courage is different from fearlessness
• Doing what is right, regardless of the adverse consequences

• Love vs. Friendship

• Art of choosing and retaining friends

• Health and living a well rounded life

Friendship Summary

1.   Ask your student to identify three qualities that they believe a good friend should possess and to discuss them. Some good suggestions include:

a.   Loyalty – Remains faithful and always wants what is best for their friend.

b.   Honesty – Tells the truth.

c.    Unselfishness – Willingness to share and to be considerate towards others.

d.   Charitable – Willing to give of themselves and help others without seeking a reward.

e.   Good example – Has a habit of doing the “right” thing.

2.   Explain to your student that choosing their friends is one of the most important decisions of their life. Remind them “they are who their friends are.” This adage is true for two reasons. First, people tend to become like their friends. Therefore, if you hang around liars, you will probably become a liar. If you hang around hard working people you will likely learn to work hard and become responsible. The second reason to choose good friends is because they affect your reputation. People will judge you by the friends you keep, and in most cases they will be right.

3.   Explain to your student that a friendship is a “give and take” relationship and involves people who care about each other and who look out for the other’s good. A friend is someone who you can go to for advice or to share an experience. It is good to know a lot of people but true friends are few and should be cherished.

4.    Friends tell each other the truth. If you cannot trust somebody, then they are not your friend. If they are more interested in themselves than in you, then they are not your friend. If they do not want what is best for you, they are not your friend, and the same goes in reverse!